Being a teacher is continually teaching me a new perspective of God. This week a student was complaining to me, "Ms. why do you have to make it so hard? Why can't you just give us an easy assignment. Why do we have to go through all these hard problems?". "Because that is the only way you will learn..." As I gave this response to him it hit me, that is exactly how it is with God. I tend to complain in my head sometimes, "God why does this have to be so hard, why can't the job be easier, why are there so many frustrations in my day..." the list goes on and on. As I gave that response to my student all of a sudden it became perfectly clear to me. Because that is the only way I will learn. Just like I stay after school tutoring and helping students with their tricky math problems, God is there to help me with my difficulties, not to get rid of them. This isn't a new idea, its something I've always been taught and known; it just seemed a whole lot clearer to me.
This week went by really fast. It was a four day school week, Friday was parent teacher conferences. We were all pretty exhausted to start the week, grades were due on Monday so we stayed up late finishing them Sunday night. Many of my seniors began doing their make up work (for failed classes) so they can graduate after school. So starting Monday I had over 10 students in my classroom everyday. It was a little stressful at first, usually after school I sit quietly planning in my classroom tutoring a few students as they trickle in and out; but now there were 3 students asking what to do for U.S. history, 2 more trying to make up Algebra 1, and 5 other students asking for help on different assignments from the week. The text books needed for make up work seemed to be missing from the library and through all the chaos I couldn't begin planning until over an hour after school! Chaos makes life a little more fun though :). It gave me a chance to talk more with students I don't always get to talk to a lot and with the end of the year so close, I'll take any opportunity to spend time with my students. Thursday was a harder day. Tuesday night Sabrina and I went to help with the evangelistic meeting in the village of Gagil. The meeting was in a little outdoor meeting house. It is a simple building, a roof with poles holding it up, no chairs or walls. Everyone crowded in and sat to listen. We lead the music and sang a special song. Out of all the places we've had meetings, I think that was my favorite. It was so informal and simple. The hardest day of the week was Thursday. It was one of those days that makes me realize we are more then teachers. One of the junior girls I have become close to throughout this year ran past my classroom in tears and went into the bushes crying. I went after her and sat with her for a while as she cried the kind of tears that show deep pain. The principal took over later and sent me back to class, it was a while before I got to talk to her. When I did she just unloaded about her struggles her problems. I felt honored that she would trust me and seek me for help and I just prayed for the right words to say and the right things to do to help her. Some days it seems like I'm just teaching them math problems they will try their best to forget over the summer, but we are more then that. Teaching is what opens the way to help with the things that can really make a difference in a students life.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Abandonment
Their isn't much to report this week. Don't get me wrong it was an amazing week, but you've heard it all from me before. We started a new set of three week long evangelistic meetings at the church, the village of Gagil, and one of the outer island villages. Sunday was a huge birthday celebration, a combination of over 5 birthdays. We had a big church potluck and swimming at one of the resorts here. Monday was the beginning of the 4th and final quarter! I can't believe I am already to the last quarter of the year. It has gone by so fast! At the same time living and teaching here is so natural, it seems like I have been here forever now. Tutoring continued, finals grading was piled high, and I added lots of memories to my time in Yap. I will never forget the conversations with a few of my girls about boys and friends and everything in between. I got really upset with my seniors, I apologized and so did they; they even cleaned the room without me asking and I could see they were trying really hard to do better. I will always laugh at the thought of all of my senior guys breaking out into the "single ladies" dance during marching practice on Friday, and students hiding behind doors to scare me to death when I walk in the room. I'm excited to report that for the first time, it seems like some of my students are really starting to understand math, even in Geometry! I'm seeing some students who have stayed back for tutoring improving their scores up to two letter grades :). Teaching is addicting. Just when I am getting so worn out I don't think I can finish the week, one students light bulb will come on and it gives me energy to keep going. There isn't much else to report about the week. It was amazing! Just another week teaching in Yap :). So instead I would like to share with you what I have been learning this week.
Abandonment. It's an interesting word. When you hear it you might think of abandoned orphans, or families fighting to keep going. You might see one of those commercials for animal shelters with abandoned animals needing a home. What I'm thinking of though, is serving with abandonment. We've heard phrases like "reckless abandon", but what does that really mean? The dictionary defines abandon as "to leave completely and finally", "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation". I am a selfish person. I always seem to have some motive that will benefit me. I came to teach, but I want to gain experience from it, I want to make a difference. I surrender to God, but I want to be saved through Him, I want Him to lead me and help me through life. That isn't really what serving God with abandonment should be; "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation". Oswald chambers says, "Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it". True abandonment to God is not about me. It's about surrendering myself to Him, because He loves me, not to gain anything. "Beware of talking about abandonment if you know nothing about it, and you will never know anything about it until you have realized that John 3:16 means that God gave Himself absolutely. In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation" (Oswald Chambers). When Jesus died he wasn't expecting anything in return. "For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life" John 3:16. He didn't make everyone change in order for Him to die for us. He sacrificed himself even though they rejected Him. He sacrificed himself while we mocked Him. He separated Himself from God even though some may never accept His gift. I want to abandon myself to God like this. I want to learn to follow without an agenda, simply to follow; bad or good, easy or hard. My prayer this week has been for God to teach me this, true service outside of myself.
Abandonment. It's an interesting word. When you hear it you might think of abandoned orphans, or families fighting to keep going. You might see one of those commercials for animal shelters with abandoned animals needing a home. What I'm thinking of though, is serving with abandonment. We've heard phrases like "reckless abandon", but what does that really mean? The dictionary defines abandon as "to leave completely and finally", "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation". I am a selfish person. I always seem to have some motive that will benefit me. I came to teach, but I want to gain experience from it, I want to make a difference. I surrender to God, but I want to be saved through Him, I want Him to lead me and help me through life. That isn't really what serving God with abandonment should be; "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation". Oswald chambers says, "Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it". True abandonment to God is not about me. It's about surrendering myself to Him, because He loves me, not to gain anything. "Beware of talking about abandonment if you know nothing about it, and you will never know anything about it until you have realized that John 3:16 means that God gave Himself absolutely. In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation" (Oswald Chambers). When Jesus died he wasn't expecting anything in return. "For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life" John 3:16. He didn't make everyone change in order for Him to die for us. He sacrificed himself even though they rejected Him. He sacrificed himself while we mocked Him. He separated Himself from God even though some may never accept His gift. I want to abandon myself to God like this. I want to learn to follow without an agenda, simply to follow; bad or good, easy or hard. My prayer this week has been for God to teach me this, true service outside of myself.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Little Things
This week something amazing happened. To most it probably wouldn't seem amazing, it probably wouldn't even be important, but to me it meant the world. Wednesday I had 10 students stay in my classroom with me until 5:30 getting help in math, painting the room, and singing with their ukuleles. On Thursday one of my senior girls gave me pansit for lunch, and on Friday one of the juniors sat with me for an hour teaching me some guitar chords and how to pick. All of these things seem little maybe, insignificant; but it showed me that maybe, just maybe, I am making a little difference to them. This Friday the 3rd quarter ended. We finished up finals and we will start the 4th quarter on Monday. I can't believe how fast the time has gone! It seems like I just got here. I've always heard past SM's say it isn't until after Christmas that your students really become comfortable with you and I am beginning to see that. Every week at school gets better and better. When I think about leaving I am so torn. I am excited to see friends and family at home and I sometimes have dreams about sleeping under blankets and taking a hot shower; but I am going to miss this place. I'll miss seeing my students every day and hearing their excuses for late homework. I'll miss my girls running up to my desk at lunch to get advise about guys or hearing them play my guitar all through the break. It's the little things that make the big difference. For a while I was really disappointed with myself. It seemed like after all this time I haven't had that big story. You know the conversion story the returned missionary tells or the letter they share from a student that says they are loved and they did something incredible. I realized this week that it's really stupid to look or try for that. When I leave I probably won't have that big story. I won't necessarily have a student tell me I inspired them or changed their life. God put me here to love them and teach them and that is all I can do. I may never find out if I really made a difference, and that's OK. I think this is true for a lot of tasks we are given in life. I think it's human nature to look for a reward or a sign that what you are doing is important. Sometimes, most of the time, following God means doing the little things that often seem insignificant. I've seen that following Him means giving up what I want or think I need, and being willing to do whatever it is He needs. I'm going to focus on the little things. For now, I'm not going to think about all the things I will miss in a few months. I want to make this last quarter the best quarter yet.
This week their has been a song stuck in my head called "let the waters rise". The chorus goes something like this..
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knee
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow you
I will follow you...
These words have been going over and over in my head. "let the waters rise if you want them too I will follow you". It doesn't matter what happens, it's OK if things get even harder, I'm still going to follow and trust He will get us through.
This week their has been a song stuck in my head called "let the waters rise". The chorus goes something like this..
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knee
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow you
I will follow you...
These words have been going over and over in my head. "let the waters rise if you want them too I will follow you". It doesn't matter what happens, it's OK if things get even harder, I'm still going to follow and trust He will get us through.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Yap Day
Combine Christmas, Thanksgiving, and any other holiday you can think of together and you have the excitement for Yap Day. My students have been telling me about Yap Day since the first week of school. “Ms. have you heard of Yap Day” “Are you going to Yap Day” and their favorite question, “Will you go local?!”. Yap Days are the first two days of March and it is the biggest cultural celebration on the island. Culture is extremely important to Yap. Out of all the islands in Micronesia they have held on to their original culture more than any of the others as all the westernization started to sneak in to everything. One of the ways they have tried to protect their unique culture is by creating this holiday. No matter how much TV people start watching and how American they start to dress every year for two days everyone returns to their old ways. There are lots of competitions and cultural displays including many dances. Each year it is held at a different village, and all the villages must take part. All of the locals are supposed to dress traditionally. Many people still dress traditionally on a regular basis, but not everyone. It is common to see the older generation dressed in their thus and lava lavas grocery shopping. Rarely, however, do you see younger people dressed traditionally in town, usually they only dress that way in their village; except on Yap Day.
Thursday morning we loaded up the van and headed into town for Yap Day! We met one of the church members when we arrived and they loaned us traditional grass skirts to wear for the festival. The grass skirts are made out of hibiscus and died bright colors. They are very big and very heavy. It takes a very long time to make them, it was so nice of them to loan them to us. They told us that they were making one for each of to keep; I can’t describe how giving and kind this family is. Now that we were dressed in grass skirts and had bright flower leis on our heads we were ready for the festival. As we entered town people were everywhere! I didn’t know there were that many people on this whole island! Most were dressed “local” as they call it. This means the Yapese men were wearing thus (kind of like loin clothes) and the woman were topless with the grass skirts and several leis. For the outer islanders the men also wore thus (just tied differently) and the women wore their woven lava lavas topless. The outer islands are all considered a part of Yap, but the people hold a big distinction between “Yapese” and “Outer Islander”. I have students who have lived here their whole life but they are not Yapese they are Outer islander. Anyways, they are proud of their origin and they are only allowed to dress from their island. You can see why our students were obsessed with the question “will you go local?”. To go local means to dress traditionally. Obviously, we did not go all the way local! Some of my students didn’t come to the festival simply because they didn’t want to have to go local and their village requires they do if they attend. While others who have grown up more traditionally don’t find it weird at all and gladly join their village dressed “local”.
We spent the next couple days enjoying every aspect of the Yapese culture. We watched some men carve out canoes and make wood carvings, saw women weave skirts and the baskets they sell in the store every week. They had coconut tree climbing contests and swimming races. My favorite part was the dances. Each village presented one of the traditional dances. They get all dressed local and spread a yellow colored coconut oil all over their body. They have different dances for different stories of their history. A woman’s sitting dance where they literally sit the whole time chanting and telling a story with hand motions. They are telling a story, but not in a language that anyone understands. They aren’t speaking Yapese or Outer island; but a ghost language that is supposed to be from their ancestors who first came to the islands. My favorite is the bamboo dance. It tells the story of WW2 on the island. It is a very fast paced dance with lots of yelling, they fight each other with the bamboo. I had 5 different students in the dance with their village. It was even cooler to see my students participating. We drank lots of coconuts, collected lots of handmade souvenirs, and witnessed the culture first hand. It was a unique experience. One of my favorite memories came from an older village lady sitting under the coconut leaf hut we were watching the dances from. She had been sitting there for hours in her grass skirt humming and carving away at the coconut leaves. I don’t think she spoke any English, but she kept smiling at us. She carved and folded the leaf into the shape of a small bird and attached it to a piece of grass. Then she began to sing in Yapese and motion how to make the bird fly. She smiled big and handed one to me and one to Sabrina. I think it is a local kid’s toy. She sat their making them all day, handing them to each child that passed and giving them to us as long as we sat there. Even though the culture here is drastically different from what I am used to, even a little shocking, it’s beautiful. It’s so cool to see a way of life so different from what I am used to.
Thursday morning we loaded up the van and headed into town for Yap Day! We met one of the church members when we arrived and they loaned us traditional grass skirts to wear for the festival. The grass skirts are made out of hibiscus and died bright colors. They are very big and very heavy. It takes a very long time to make them, it was so nice of them to loan them to us. They told us that they were making one for each of to keep; I can’t describe how giving and kind this family is. Now that we were dressed in grass skirts and had bright flower leis on our heads we were ready for the festival. As we entered town people were everywhere! I didn’t know there were that many people on this whole island! Most were dressed “local” as they call it. This means the Yapese men were wearing thus (kind of like loin clothes) and the woman were topless with the grass skirts and several leis. For the outer islanders the men also wore thus (just tied differently) and the women wore their woven lava lavas topless. The outer islands are all considered a part of Yap, but the people hold a big distinction between “Yapese” and “Outer Islander”. I have students who have lived here their whole life but they are not Yapese they are Outer islander. Anyways, they are proud of their origin and they are only allowed to dress from their island. You can see why our students were obsessed with the question “will you go local?”. To go local means to dress traditionally. Obviously, we did not go all the way local! Some of my students didn’t come to the festival simply because they didn’t want to have to go local and their village requires they do if they attend. While others who have grown up more traditionally don’t find it weird at all and gladly join their village dressed “local”.
We spent the next couple days enjoying every aspect of the Yapese culture. We watched some men carve out canoes and make wood carvings, saw women weave skirts and the baskets they sell in the store every week. They had coconut tree climbing contests and swimming races. My favorite part was the dances. Each village presented one of the traditional dances. They get all dressed local and spread a yellow colored coconut oil all over their body. They have different dances for different stories of their history. A woman’s sitting dance where they literally sit the whole time chanting and telling a story with hand motions. They are telling a story, but not in a language that anyone understands. They aren’t speaking Yapese or Outer island; but a ghost language that is supposed to be from their ancestors who first came to the islands. My favorite is the bamboo dance. It tells the story of WW2 on the island. It is a very fast paced dance with lots of yelling, they fight each other with the bamboo. I had 5 different students in the dance with their village. It was even cooler to see my students participating. We drank lots of coconuts, collected lots of handmade souvenirs, and witnessed the culture first hand. It was a unique experience. One of my favorite memories came from an older village lady sitting under the coconut leaf hut we were watching the dances from. She had been sitting there for hours in her grass skirt humming and carving away at the coconut leaves. I don’t think she spoke any English, but she kept smiling at us. She carved and folded the leaf into the shape of a small bird and attached it to a piece of grass. Then she began to sing in Yapese and motion how to make the bird fly. She smiled big and handed one to me and one to Sabrina. I think it is a local kid’s toy. She sat their making them all day, handing them to each child that passed and giving them to us as long as we sat there. Even though the culture here is drastically different from what I am used to, even a little shocking, it’s beautiful. It’s so cool to see a way of life so different from what I am used to.
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