Abandonment

Their isn't much to report this week.  Don't get me wrong it was an amazing week, but you've heard it all from me before.  We started a new set of three week long evangelistic meetings at the church, the village of Gagil, and one of the outer island villages.  Sunday was a huge birthday celebration, a combination of over 5 birthdays.  We had a big church potluck and swimming at one of the resorts here.  Monday was the beginning of the 4th and final quarter!  I can't believe I am already to the last quarter of the year.  It has gone by so fast!  At the same time living and teaching here is so natural, it seems like I have been here forever now.  Tutoring continued, finals grading was piled high, and I added lots of memories to my time in Yap.  I will never forget the conversations with a few of my girls about boys and friends and everything in between.  I got really upset with my seniors, I apologized and so did they; they even cleaned the room without me asking and I could see they were trying really hard to do better. I will always laugh at the thought of all of my senior guys breaking out into the "single ladies" dance during marching practice on Friday, and students hiding behind doors to scare me to death when I walk in the room.  I'm excited to report that for the first time, it seems like some of my students are really starting to understand math, even in Geometry! I'm seeing some students who have stayed back for tutoring improving their scores up to two letter grades :).  Teaching is addicting.  Just when I am getting so worn out I don't think I can finish the week, one students light bulb will come on and it gives me energy to keep going. There isn't much else to report about the week.  It was amazing! Just another week teaching in Yap :).  So instead I would like to share with you what I have been learning this week. 
Abandonment.  It's an interesting word.  When you hear it you might think of abandoned orphans, or families fighting to keep going.  You might see one of those commercials for animal shelters with abandoned animals needing a home.  What I'm thinking of though, is serving with abandonment.  We've heard phrases like "reckless abandon", but what does that really mean?  The dictionary defines abandon as "to leave completely and finally", "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation".  I am a selfish person.  I always seem to have some motive that will benefit me.  I came to teach, but I want to gain experience from it, I want to make a difference.  I surrender to God, but I want to be saved through Him, I want Him to lead me and help me through life.  That isn't really what serving God with abandonment should be;  "to give up control", "to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation".  Oswald chambers says, "Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it".  True abandonment to God is not about me.  It's about surrendering myself to Him, because He loves me, not to gain anything.  "Beware of talking about abandonment if you know nothing about it, and you will never know anything about it until you have realized that John 3:16 means that God gave Himself absolutely. In our abandonment we give ourselves over to God just as God gave Himself for us, without any calculation" (Oswald Chambers).  When Jesus died he wasn't expecting anything in return.  "For God so loved the world, that he gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but have eternal life" John 3:16.  He didn't make everyone change in order for Him to die for us.  He sacrificed himself even though they rejected Him.  He sacrificed himself while we mocked Him.  He separated Himself from God even though some may never accept His gift. I want to abandon myself to God like this.  I want to learn to follow without an agenda, simply to follow; bad or good, easy or hard.  My prayer this week has been for God to teach me this, true service outside of myself.